OK so the grown girl child finally made it to her destination, lost passport and all. And the drama has continued, our car, our lovely old black Subaru station wagon with all the kids’ college stickers and extra socks and memories sewn to the leather seats as has up and died. We were supposed to put oil in with the gas and in all our senior moments and crazy life, well we didn’t and it stopped and seized and it is unfixable. Of course I feel it is all my fault. My husband feels it is all his fault.
No mater whose fault, we need a car and I went and found one. I sat in the office and read my Walt Whitman and tried to memorize while they checked my credit. I always imagine that someone will have stolen my name and charged weird stuff or they will come back and say that I am behind on child support for a 17 year old kid I never knew I had. Not so easy to memorize while you are spinning dark fantasies
But I got a car and it will be ready on Friday and then I did laundry and killed copious amounts of flies and felt strangely sanguine about my future for no reason at all. Well I have been intoning to myself I am strong and brilliant and have the world rolling at my feet in great pleasure. Now I suppose the trick is to see if the world will hear me and give me the job and joy I believe is lurking out there for me.
Magic is a skittish colt and needs to be approached with care.
I do believe, I do believe.