Monthly Archives: February 2011

Ask For What You Want . . . Not What You Don’t Want

This past weekend, maybe the last snowy weekend of this long winter, I hauled my three-year-old god-daughter to the country. Holly is a wonderful bright, loud mouthed, sometimes complaining, sometimes the world’s best sport, always exciting to be with little kid. I love having her after parenting my own mouthy, wise daughter, a second pass, if you will. And another chance to give some good advice to what my dad used to call ” a baby woman.”

It’s simpler when it’s not your own daughter pushing your buttons with the speed and ease of a pin ball machine, but age, therapy, a string of wisdom are also lovely artillery to have for parenting. My favorite encounter with what I consider to be an A HA MOMENT. And it came outside in  the snow and wind.

We had been using the crazy blue and orange snow coasters zooming down the hill. We were wet and getting to cold, but I thought we had a few more runs in us, when Holly starting moaning and whining about being cold, well just done in and giving a litany of what she DID NOT WANT. Without knowing this myself I said to her. Hey ask me for what you want NOT WHAT YOU DON’T WANT.  Tell me what you want and trust that I will listen to you. I may not always be able to give you what you want, but I promise I will always listen.

And so she pulled her short self together  and calmly said I would like to go inside. Done. Hand in hand we went inside to dry our mittens and socks and pants and boots by the fire.

It is powerful to ask for what you want and as women we all too often forget that a direct ask is powerful whether we get the exact result or not. We took action and left the cold. I  know I need more time to write. I need someone else to cook one night a week.  I need a job, which pays me and where I can do good work! Yes.

And so I rededicated myself on this last day of February to asking positively for what I need because of the example of a three-year old. When the little ones are right in front of us, it is often easier to see what we ourselves should do.

Who’s Robbin’ Who?

Spring is in the air, but we all know that on the island of Manhattan that this is our most lunatic season. Bitter cold to balmy weather in the flick of an eye. So in the last week we have seen toes in flip flops and wool socks and Ugggggs galore. The news has been a bit crazy as well. Dictatorships topple to democracy and  back and forth. For me I am attempting to keep on an even keel and pretend all is well  hoping to trick the gods.

I did manage to help to a guy who runs Two Boots Pizza after he witnessed, and to my mind, thwarted violence in a robbery at Capital One bank. Here is the link to the story, Extra Extra read all about

Quick update, Capital One told Junior that YES the bank will cover the money he shoved at the robber to get him to leave.  Wonderful the power of the press when you say to a manager, ” I’m writing a story about today’s robbery. Let’s see Cap One’s fourth quarter profits were X and Junior’s profits were, wait he has no profits.” How quickly the mighty back down if someone says  HEY WE ARE WATCHING. And kudos to Community News for getting this piece to press so swiftly. Funny how good something going right can make me feel.

Another interesting street siting today, Anderson Cooper, fully hoodied, little blue tee and sweet Asian sweetie, I presume, by his side wandering in the spring fever streets. Walking south on Seventh Avenue  to the West Village. I said one of my big HELLO’s I feel drawn to holler hello, always. But it made me think if someone like Anderson Cooper came out if would mean that folks in the mid-section of America would now know a Gay person. We all need to know Arabs, some Italians, some blacks, some more Arabs. Catholics, Jews, Buddhists, a sprinkling of Asians and a Scot or two. Really we need to have a crazy quilt of people so that we all are connected. We need a wide ranges some good, some stellar, some ass holes so we see that good and bad come in all colors, sizes and creeds. When we know that it is more difficult to pigeon hole folks.

But what about Anderson’s privacy? I thought that too. When you become a celebrity  is part of what you give up for the cash, good restaurant tables, and great work, some of your anonymity ? I was pondering this as I rode my bike back down to my loft. When I got home my neighbor Reno, a a well know lesbian writer, thinker, performer,  and comedian was stepping inside. I told her my conundrum.

” Why do strait people think that Gay people have to be braver than they are? Everyone wants privacy. Why do we have to always be on the march with a banner? You wouldn’t want that would you? ”

I wouldn’t, she’s right. But I also wouldn’t want to wallow in a life where I only know one kind of person. So it rests balanced at a draw. I could help the pizza man get his monies back, but I can’t tell the world about Anderson Cooper and his sweet sweetie because that is not my  call. Journalism, writing, blogging or just being a concerned citizen has its limits, like all of life. And why shouldn’t it.

Urban Observations with Wickham Boyle

New York journalist and writer Wickham Boyle has lived in the Manhattan neighborhood of TriBeCa for more than 30 years. In this portrait, she speaks about how the city has changed throughout the years, about the horrible events of 9/11, which happened literally in front of her door, and why after all those years she is still in love with New York City.
C. Janosch Delcker. © 2010

Here we go: everything linked in under one virtual roof

When I left LaMama Back in the day,  (read the obit I wrote on my mentor and founder of LaMama Ellen Stewart)  I ventured out on my own to launch a theater I called Under One Roof. I wanted a name that was expansive, a literal and figurative umbrella. I sought a theater, of course, and a library for multi culti/ multi disciplinary artists, and classes for kids and a haven in the very underdeveloped neighborhood of TriBeCa. So today, I thrashed out by email to my web wizard Lauren Little Wolf Walker  ( I thought about Under One Roof because Lauren had been an intern there. Now she has her own company, a family and I visit her mostly by computing magic. Walker Interactive also made my website, I was their test case and now Little Wolf  deemed it a dinosaur.

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